So far this year, I've had to google the directions on how to make a paper airplane. Twice. And I still did it wrong. With step by step directions. Clearly I did not engage in enough shenanigans in my school days.
So this article was sent my way by several friends. All of whom have larger than normal families. All of whom had heard most, if not all, of these comments. So clearly, the time for this article has come and gone. The world missed the memo. So, I propose, "How to Answer the Stupid Questions that People should Never ask Mothers of Many Children."
1. "Are they all yours?"
I found simply saying "Well they're not yours...." usually sets this conversation to rest. I mean, I do find myself wondering who all these kids are and why do they expect me to feed them. But unless you're offering to feed them....don't ask.
2. "Do they all have the same father?"
In the past I've had a snarky answer popped out in anger. But I do prefer humor to everything else. Plus, I enjoy leaving people flabbergasted. So now I just say "I think it's cute that you think there's more than one male in the world that would want to reproduce with me and willingly join this rodeo." In my book, speechless is good.
3. "Wow! Your hands are full!"
And my kid's diaper's full. What's your point? When I'm together enough I like so say "Full hands, full heart." But I'm usually getting dragged through a parking lot by X-Man. And not together.
4. "Don't you know how that happens?"
What? This conversation? You started it.
5. "Are you done?"
Well I would be if you'd stop talking to me.
6. "Why did you have so many kids?"
Because the world needs more of my genes. You're welcome. Also, I'm not so good at the not having kids. I've tried it. Did it wrong.
7. "Don't you have a TV?"
If you think watching TV is better, you're doing it wrong. And no, I will not offer tips. I'm too busy having kids.
8. "Which one would you rather not have?"
Does your village know you're missing?
9. "Were your kids planned?"
Is there anything about this circus that looks planned? Seriously, I'm in yoga pants and a sweatshirt covered in baby food, I have a sneaking suspicion that that there is toothpaste smeared on the back of my pants. My baby is eating her shoe, my toddler is taking his shirt off and I managed to put make up on today. But only on one eye. Does this look there was any sort of plan to this?
10. "Better you than me!"
Have you seen me? How bad are you? Have you tried blogging?