Trying to be a good mother, I sat down to read X-Man a story. I picked The Day Jimmy’s Boa Ate the Wash. X-Man interpreted my attempt as intended to incarnate him and remove his finger nails one by one. So he decided to hide under the table and yell protestations. Cinco and Mac remained. Mostly intrigued by what horrible things I was perpetrating on X-Man. Like page turning. Eventually, Baba and Baby joined in, which made X-Man curious. We moved on to another Steve Kellogg classic and he crept back on to my lap. Only to realize that I was still reading. I don’t know if he associates reading with bedtime or just that he was choosing to not cooperate because everyone else was. I mean, it would be boring if EVERYONE was doing the same thing.
The experience left me tired and feeling rather inadequate. So I decided to focus how to know you are a good parent.
If you come home and find your eldest daughter watching ESPN…..you’re doing something right.
If your toddler follows you around your house, as you chase his naked sister, holding your coffee cup and yelling “Tawfy mommy, tawfy!” Doing something right.
If your son generously takes the veggies from his plate and puts them on yours, because “veggies are good for you and I want you to be healthy mommy.” Take it as a sign of success.
If any one of your children sees you snacking on vegetables and then corners you so that you are forced to share with them….you’re probably doing something right.
You are shopping in Costco and your five year old yells “Look at those pretty flowers Mom! I want to buy them so I can put them on you when you die. Because you like red.” Ignore the fact that your child is already planning your funeral and assume you’re a good parent.
If the same child, on the way home, asks you for your phone number so she can call you when she moves out, take it and smile.
If your son runs through the Christmas crowds in Target “pew” pewing people, because he announces he’s clearing a path for mommy…..well done.
If your child’s idea of a Valentine’s Day is to bring you coffee in bed, well done. Even if they don’t add grounds and it’s your three year old. Who ends up yelling “OUCH TAWFEY HOT!”
If your toddler kicks the back of your seat yelling “faster mommy faster” it’s just because they don’t want you to be late. Which is good.
If you awaken to your two year old smacking your head and then telling you “Go to sleep mommy, I pet you.” It could be worse.
If you’re son asks you if you’re 63….work on the math homework a bit more.
If your daughter asks if daddy has ever been to jail because mommy totally hasn’t…..consider your job done.