Things that I've have learned because I left my children with the father figure.

X-Man will stick his head in a cereal bowl. While the milk is being poured in it. Because it is too long to wait for a drink otherwise. He might die.

Baby can climb the chimney.

Slurpees stain clothing.

Showers can be taken without soap. And without water hitting your body. If you play with the bath toys loud enough, daddy will believe you have showered.

X-Man can use my phone. But not the father figure's.

"It's not that scary to stand on the roof."

Even though mommy is the one who bought every single birthday present and Christmas present for every single child, and wrapped every single one, twenty minutes of video games with daddy makes him the best parent EVER TO EXIST.

Furthermore, taking the children to Chuck E. Cheese makes you the best parent to ever exist or who will exist in the future. Even though the parent who did not take you will be the parent who cares for you while you suffer from whatever biological weapon infected you there. Making you chicken noodle soup while you continue to ask for pizza.

The arcade trumps the park any day. Except the days when the father figure suggests going to the park. Then he is the best parent TO EVER EXIST.

The children should eat healthy. Except when they are left when the father figure. Then they should eat chicken nuggets and doughnuts. And someone should prepare them a healthy dinner.

X-Man can throw overhanded. But only indoors.

Thomas the Tank Engine is boring. Star Wars is not.

Telling a two year old to go to bed is the same thing as putting a two year old

to bed.

What constitutes folded clothes is subjective. My views are unique in the family.

Bringing home a movie to watch...awesome. Bringing home food to eat......but I don't like that!