Today I did nothing. Not quite true, but everything stopped come 11:25 am. That's when Cinco fell asleep in my arms. This was monumental because Cinco hadn't really napped since Christmas, and wasn't sleeping well at night either. But here she was, dead to the world. Experiences over the last three weeks taught me to not try to lay her down. The minute Cinco's head hits a pillow BAMMO wide awake baby. Wide awake baby enraged that you had tried to ditch her somewhere.
So, book in hand, I hung out on the couch. I directed school. Which meant that I made Baby write the correct answers to questions. Including when she was asked yes or no questions, I deemed the numbers she wrote incorrect. Also, I expected her to use letters when writing her answers. Her attempts to fake cursive were not particularly convincing. So, I sat there, ruining her life. I also made Mac write the answers to his subtraction problems correctly. I wasn't moved by the spirit of the answer. In my book, 14 is not the same as 41. Even if you forgot how to write 14.
So there I was, whispering to the kids, watching them try to keep X-Man subdued, when suddenly Mac asked "Why are the police here?"
Now, there are many phrases that chill a parent to the bone, but this is most certainly up there with the worst. There really can't be any good reason for the police to come to your door.
Fortunately for me they didn't actually come to the door. Nope, they just parked themselves in front of my very unweeded lawn. Yeah, that won't get the neighbors talking. I tried to play it cool and not think about how X-Man had made a break for it out the front door, wearing only a diaper, earlier that morning. In all fairness to me, I had been showing the inspector who came to check the insulation work we had done all the places they had insulated. In case you were wondering, they hadn't. As I came down the stairs I noticed that the front door was ajar. So I didn't actually wonder where X-Man was, I knew. Sure enough, he was hiding behind the car, just waiting for me to catch him. This is good, because we live near a very busy street and I just don't need a boy who refuses to wear pants hightailing it anywhere.
So yes, my first thoughts when observing the police car was "aw man did they call the cops on me for that?" But they didn't seem all that interested in the house. One did get out to talk to the mail lady, but he kept pointing at the neighbor's house. Probably saying something along the lines of "So the naked boy didn't come from that house?"
Another neighbor came over to chat with the officers. "Yep, right over there. That's where all the crazy comes from. At times I think it spills over to my house. I resent that." I stayed on the couch wondering how messy a house had to be before it was deemed unfit for children. Wondering if I had yelled too much at X-Man when I found him outside. Or maybe I didn't yell enough. Maybe they think I go too much and my kids should stay home more often. Maybe tZhe energy inspector guy was horrified that we allowed the contractors we did inside the house.
Or possibly they weren't actually interested in me at all. But that's a boring line of thought. Also, I had one toddler with an incredibly snotty nose that was most definitely pressed up against the window closest to the patrol car. And as he was yelling at them, certainly sounded like he was cussing them out in baby or begging them to turn their lights and sirens on, it seemed hard to miss him.
They hung out a bit longer and then left. And thCinco slept for another couple of hours. And woke bright eyed for the first time in two weeks. So all in all it was an interesting afternoon. And X-Man drew me a very nice picture on the window with his snot.