Monday, March 3, 2014

If you give a baby a cookie, she will ask for your cup of coffee.

When you don't give the baby your cup of coffee, she will cry real tears and reject her cookie outright.

If a baby rejects her cookie because you deny her your coffee she will stalk you through the house until you set the coffee down.

If you set the coffee down because the laundry won't do itself, the baby will climb up and get it.

If the baby climbs up and gets your coffee she will try to drink it. She will do it wrong.

If the baby tries to drink your coffee, she will decide that she is a big girl and should have a cell phone.

If the baby decides that she should have a cell phone, only yours will do.

If you deny the baby your cell phone, she will push the ottoman to the shelf where you store it.

If she pushes the ottoman to the shelf to get the cell phone, she will get the cell phone.

If the baby has a cell phone, she will happily text your friends.

If the baby texts your friends, the father figure will call you to tell you to take the cell phone away from the baby.

If you take the cell phone away from the baby, she will decide that only your laptop will do.

If the baby decides that only your laptop will do, she will cry for you to pick her up.

If the baby cries to be pick up, you will put your laptop down to pick her up. She will then attack the laptop. With yogurt and cookie and coffee covered hands.

If the baby attacks the laptop, she will pull up functions you did not know existed. And you do not know how to exit.

No good comes from offering a baby a cookie.

2 comments:

  1. Awesome - better than the source material, because TRUTH.

    ReplyDelete