Monday, August 12, 2013

So this is a first. My laptop quit working, right after the father figure did something to it to make it stop slowing down HIS internet. Yep. And blogger hates his computer, so here I am writing a post with my thumbs. Which, if I were a monkey, would be impressive.
The father figure has been on a particular roll recently. This weekend he casually mentioned "I was looking at wedding pictures. I forgot how skinny you were." I sat quietly, enjoying the silence, just letting him play that over in his head. The panic set in, which while amusing, isn't ever helpful. "I mean you look way better now. I would say you looked frail then. Now you look healthy. Voluptuous, I would say you look voluptuous now. I like curvy women, you know that. You look way better now. Really."

If you have given birth once, let alone five times, curvy is not a good word. Nor is voluptuous. Nope, only thin, that is an acceptable word. Fit is also perfectly fine. Any compliment, however, is negated by a factor of ten should you tack on "for having x amount of kids."

But the father figure was on quite the streak. The following morning he causally mentioned "you know they have ways to remove stretch marks." Again, that whole filter thing kicked on after he started talking. I made eye contact with him and watched him leap out of an airplane only to discover his parachute was a knapsack. "Not that they bother me. I know you're self conscious about them, so if you wanted to do something about them. Not that I think you should."

Yeah, if you really want me in a bikini, you're going to have to be smoother than that. And, if I do don a bikini it will be to dance around you as a cost effective method of birth control. Not that you're getting anywhere near all this, not skinny stretch marked, hot stuff any time soon.  Should solve both the nonskinny and scarred aspects.

The best part was when he finally stopped sputtering and said "I'm sorry." I  just smiled and said "You KNOW I'm going to be blogging on this." "Yeah....I know." The best part is, I did actually understand the context of his comments and how they probably sounded in his head, very thoughtful and sensitive. And the blog post basically wrote itself, which considering the technical difficulties was particularly helpful. So, it was a win/win in my book. Not that I'd ever tell him that.

I don't know how so spell check with bloggermobile. My wrists hurt, as do my thumbs. So it is what it is.

1 comment:

  1. Bekah, your posts are ALWAYS entertaining, but this one takes you to a new level. So when are you starting the book?