Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Today's soccer commute took me in opposite directions. In theory, I only had fifteen minutes to make the drive that, as I learned today, can be made in thirty. Fortunately Baba's coach had a team practicing before hers, so she got dropped off early. Local folks I'm talking Skyview High School to Harmony Complex and back. Truly about as opposite as you can get in Clark County. Because the girls are playing for different clubs this year. Clubs that practice on the same days and just about the same time.

This, along with many other factors, contributed to my response to a soccer dad tonight. He asked me how it was going. Without thinking about how I should paint a rosier picture of my life I responded "It's been the kind of day where I find myself chanting 'prison orange does not look good on me, prison orange does not look good on me.' So far it's working" We were standing together watching our daughters practice and I could see him repeating what I had just said. Unfortunately, it all clicked as he was taking a swig of his drink, resulting in spewing and gagging. And him turning to me and saying "You're FUNNY!"

Please do continue to laugh at my life.

Lest the wrong child be blamed for my newest mantra, should I be incarcarated anytime soon the blame should fall squarly on Cinco's shoulders. She's faster, more nimble and her abs have got to be out of this world, considering the stunts she's been able to pull.

Cinco has recently developed all sorts of awesome new skills. She now knows how to operate the water dispenser on the fridge. Concerned, as X-Man has ceased to water the kitchen floor, she has picked up his slack. At least someone around here is noticing what isn’t getting done and doing something about it. Of course, everyone else, including the father figure, keeps forgetting that we know have to lock the dispenser so I get to explain every five minutes how to get water again. That doesn’t get old.

Cinco can also open the washer door. This is my one complaint with my front loader. Well that, and the fact that Mac took a bite out of the gasket. Which isn’t really the front loader’s fault, but still someone should have seen that coming. Someone other than me. But back to Cinco. She can open the washer door. And does so. Yes, the door has a lock, but it’s a lock that can be disabled should you push the right button. There’s only like five buttons available, so the kid finds it. Also, the door only locks if the cycle is going, which means only rarely is Cinco briefly foiled. I only discovered that she could disable the wash cycle; excuse me for making my bed, when she started screaming. She wasn’t hurt, just royally ticked off. See, X-Man, who had been pilfering the cereal, the laundry room and the pantry are one in the same, saw what she was up to and decided to make sure it was safe. This meant trying to climb in, while Cinco was attempting to as well. The washer, filled with clothes was unable to accommodate both renegades. However, this wasn’t discovered until both were stuck in the washer. Naturally I blamed X-Man for this, up until I caught Cinco turning off the washer all by herself.

It shouldn’t have surprised me. I mean, this is the child I caught climbing up on the table, to the counter and then opening cupboards. And that was the good escapade. I made the mistake of thinking that I could use the bathroom. I don’t know why I thought this, five children in, but I did. Won’t make that mistake again. Seeing that I found Cinco sitting in the middle of the stove, trying to turn on the burners. She didn’t even push a chair over for that one. She climbs up on the handles of the drawers, and then uses the oven handle. All features that do need to remain in my kitchen. With the exception of the baby on the stove.

Cinco is very competitive with X-Man. She has been for a while. It started with me and spread to all people. She is oh so shy, unless her grandparents are paying attention to X-Man, then she’s right there making sure everyone is aware of her cuteness. She is certain that anything and everything that X-Man does, she should be able to do. That includes using the potty. If X-Man uses the potty, she demands her turn. Should mommy be busy helping X-Man wash his hands, well she’ll just climb up there herself. Again, the abs of this child! And then she falls in. At least she acts as If it was by accident. Keep in mind; this is the child who calls Amnesty International every time she is given a bath. But toilet water…..MORE PLEASE!!!!! And don’t you dare try to remove her or clean her up. It’s just further proof that you love X-Man more. Fortunately X-Man still looks forward to flushing the potty, unlike other siblings of his, so the situation could be significantly worse. I mean, I could be wearing prison orange.

And while prison orange lacks appeal, I have to say, padded rooms are looking more comfortable by the minute.

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