One would think that leaving four out of the five kiddos home with the father figure would be a better choice than hauling them all off to a soccer tournament, one that began at 7:45 am and ended at 7:45 pm. One would think.
I returned home to a beautifully clean house. That was the first indication that something had gone wrong. Typically, I pull up and the father figure jumps up and announces, as I walk through the door, "We just started cleaning up." The greater indicator of things gone awry was the fact that every door and window was opened. Four steps into the house and the smell hit you. Something, or someone, had been on fire.
In an attempt to keep myself calm, I turned to the father figure and lightly inquired "Tried cooking did you?" "X-Man tried to make toast. Well actually he made toast. And then toasted it again. And again. And again."
Now there were several questions that were running through my mind, why was the toaster out? Why was the bread out? But I went to the most pressing....."Where were you?"
"I was laying down with Cinco. She needed to take a nap."
Seriously? SERIOUSLY? You, who have actually lived with X-Man for all three years of his life, actually thought it was possible for you to "lay down" with the baby? Why do you think I am always so tired? Because the idea of a mid-day nap doesn't appeal to me? Who wouldn't want to lay down with the baby? Especially since she's asleep in her bed and you were laying down in your bed. See, I don't lay down with the baby when the toddler's awake because THINGS CATCH FIRE!!!!!
The father figure tried to justify his actions by pointing out that both Baby and Mac were around. Watching TV, so you know, really aware. Yeah, I asked X-Man to make me some toast too! But he didn't"
Mac helpfully chimed in "
I didn't ask about the rest of the day. Until I opened up the microwave and discovered a different burned smell. Turns out the father figure had decided to microwave his lunch but the went to lay down with the baby. So X-Man helpfully microwaved it a few more times for him. You know, to keep it warm.
He thought he could take a nap. That might be the most preposterous thing yet.