Thursday, June 5, 2014

Today was the day Baby and Baba took their state tests. The local homeschool group sets it up and the location happened to be half an hour away. Without rush hour traffic. But, testing was scheduled to start at 9am, which is still rush hour time. And as it started at 9am, X-Man decided that he should get up at 4am. You know, because. Why not?

The father figure masterfully returned X-Man to his bed, while I continued to wrestle with Cinco, who has decided that the hours of midnight to five am will now be known as “open bar” and “ladies’ night.” Booyah for me.

So there I was, trying to calm little Baby’s nerves, when I realized that we should have left already. X-Man was nowhere to be seen. I asked Baba where he was, as I had asked her to go wake him up. She shrugged. “I would shake him and he would just roll over and saying ‘no’.” So up the stairs I ran, grabbed X-Man and headed out the door. The boy didn’t even attempt to wake up until I was actually slipping his arms into his car seat straps.

It wasn’t until we arrived at the testing site that I realized what my haste had overlooked. X-Man, as per usual, was sans pants. And there were no pants anywhere to be found. The father figure, as good fathers are want, put a dry pull up on X-Man when he put him back to bed. He did not, however, put pants back on X-Man. And I didn’t notice. Mostly because, everything was quite normal, X-Man in various states of undress.

So there I was standing in line to somehow register two children for tests, holding a toddler and a baby, because the toddler was sleepy and grumpy and the baby was uninterested in sharing her mother. Desiring to get in on all the action, Cinco decided to have the sort of diaper one has after eating all her siblings’ grapes. The result was that her pants, along with her diaper, had to be removed. I had another diaper, and yet again, I didn’t have another pair of pants.

So back into line I went. Holding two children without pants on. Yup, the gal who thinks she has it together enough to educate her kids at home can’t even dress them. The trick is, look like you totally understand what’s going on and that it’s all part of your master plan. At least that’s how I choose to rock it out at this point.

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