“Which child is mine?” See the one yelling ‘TEACHER TEACHER I GOT MY FACE WET’ in swimming class? Yeah that’s my child.”

“Which child is mine? See the one yelling at his coach “WE HAVE SEVEN GOALS!!! THREE MORE AND WE WILL HAVE TEN GOALS AND THAT WILL BE COOL!!!” Yeah, that’s my child.

“Which child is mine? See the one the teacher just told to not have monkey arms? And he yelled ‘MONKEY ARMS I LOVE MONKEY ARMS!!!” I’m the tree, he’s the apple.

“The one who just announced in the public restroom, loud enough that I could hear him as I waited outside ‘IF I CAN’T REACH THE SOAP I DON’T NEED IT!” That’s mine. Which is why he’s now wiping his hands on my sweater. I’m guessing he couldn’t reach the towels as well.

The kid with his cheeks poofed out, yeah, he calls me mom. His teacher told him to put a marshmallow in his mouth. It’s her nice way of saying “that’s nice dear. Stop talking now.” And he’s trying to follow directions. Literally.

Yes, that would be my son, reenacting World War II with the Nativity Set. It’s a little known fact, Jesus did actually appear with a rocket pack.

When the teacher said “use your listening ears” yeah, it was my kid who yelled “I LOST MINE!” Which would be why I’m the only parent not laughing.

Whose kid announced that he didn’t want to play a card game, rather he wanted to play “Punchy nose” and demonstrated it for his grandparents? Just guess.

Whose pride and joy it attempting to teach his backpack how to dance?

Did a child just announce, oh so emphatically, “I don’t need a guardian angel, God’s my guardian angel!” Better than having him as a co-pilot I guess.

Someone’s sister said that it is a parent’s job to keep her children safe. Someone else responded “Yup, I guess I have to just be Iron Man then.”

 I lived to make other people laugh. Being on the other end of that parent child relationship, I might owe my mother an apology.