Sunday, March 10, 2013

Curse you Daylight Savings, curse you. 

Dinner was interesting. Mac spent most of the time helping his peas give birth. Which is a real thing apparently. I think he got the idea originally from the sugar snap peas I had in a stir fry, he spent THAT dinner performing C-sections on the pea shells. He has mastered the technique birthing peas. It takes time and focus, gentle massage and lots of not eating of the peas. But he does produce little, shiny peas that are cute. Interestingly enough, the “mama” peas, despite all the time and care, still look nothing like they did before. Rather, they end up shriveled, saggy worn out shells of what they originally were. It’s actually a fairly educational experience.

X-Man decided to follow suit. Why eat the food that your mother so carefully cut up into non-chokeable pieces when there are peas to birth? Unfortunately for the peas, X-Man attended the Edward Scissor Hands School of Midwifery. So, whereas Mac did indeed have a plate full of cute little peas, X-Man had a tray of split pea soup rejects. Don’t get me wrong. They were most certainly split, and then smashed and then spread across the tray.  Of course, X-Man’s OCD did still come into play. So the pea remains were separated into the mothers’ innards and on the opposite side, the smushed baby leavings. With corn protecting the two from the horror.

Not satisfied with the carnage he had produced, X-Man enjoyed his handy work up close and personal. Like peas in the eyelashes close. It’s quite possible that you have not considered how much work it is to balance pea remnants in your eyelashes. But X-Man was not easily deterred. And he did indeed master the practice. His nose did have to remain at a 45 degree angle to the ceiling. He wasn’t performing, rather he was acutely aware that he shouldn’t be doing it and was trying to hide from parental supervision. So he used his arms to shield himself from view. Unfortunately, this resulted in knocking the peas off his eyelashes, which led to shrieks of outrage. This did cause undo parental involvement. At least as far as X-Man was concerned. Sometimes the peas would be knocked upwards, to his eyebrows. This led to other frustrations, as he could see the peas, but knew they weren’t quite where he intended them to be.

Mac appreciated X-Man’s antics. Not for the entertainment value, but instead because X-Man was occupying everyone else’s attention. Leaving Mac to sing quietly to his pea babies.

The most disturbing part of the whole dinner was the fact that it didn’t strike me as odd. Sure I was picky peas out of X-Man’s eyes, while telling Mac to stop singing at the table. Father figure and I discussed something, I’m pretty sure it involved him doing something that he hasn’t done yet….still. The girls attempted to renegotiate later bed times, due to daylight savings. It was routine. I don’t know what that says about my life.

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