Monday, February 25, 2013

The husband and I are in a challenging place in our marriage.

I had a different plan for this blog, but then the hubs, who was clearly surfing Netflix, looking for something to do because all the laundry was done or just hasn’t started screaming loudly enough, yelled to me that he found a movie for us to watch. Nude Nuns with Big Guns. For realz, that’s a movie.

So I, being the marvelous wife I am, said “OK hon, just let me finish this up.” And then Weird Al started playing. He had clearly moved on from Netflix browsing.  And herein is the problem. We can’t shock each other anymore. We’re too comfortable with each other. 

This was completely obvious the other night. I’m assisting a friend with her divorce. So when the hubs asked what I was planning on doing that evening, I responded, intentionally “Oh, just working on this divorce paperwork.” Now, I’m not sure if it’s just because we’ve been married long enough that he doesn’t listen to me at all, or, and this is my fear, I just can’t shock him anymore.

Now, a mature woman wouldn’t want to shock her husband, or get a reaction from him, at least like this. But I am who I am, and Hubs did know who he was attaching himself to for life.

When we were first married, I got a perverse pleasure of walking in to his office and announcing “We have to talk” and then launching in to a discussion about what to have for dinner. I lived for that panicked look on his face. I know I’m not a nice person.

I discovered how much fun it was completely unintentionally. About a month into our marriage, I casually mentioned to him that I was having a baby shower. His eyes were about to pop out of his head. I was perplexed by his flabbergasted response, until I clarified “It’s not for me! It’s for a friend” 

It struck me that it was particularly easy to throw him for a loop, and, more importantly, it was fun.

There is a time and place however. While it’s funny to announce that you want to change the baby’s name, while in labor. It’s not funny to joke about being pregnant. Telling him that you spent $300 on a car battery funny.  But car crashes not so funny. Telling him you’re going to cut your hair, amusing, but not really worth the reward. However, showing him websites about how to best prepare your placenta for consumption and that you feel strongly that this would best help him bonding with his new born…..awesome.

The problem is, I had fun for about ten years and now I can’t figure out how to get him anymore. And that leaves me sad. 

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