Monday, January 11, 2016

I saw the new Star Wars. Back in the 1980s.

I mean I understand the need to remark a classic. It was clearly missing Emo Vader. I mean, they took the most terrifying cinematic villain ever and gave him a pashmina and some eyeliner. And feelings. Lots and lots of feelings. 

J.J. Abrams isn't renowned for his thinking outside the box. So I wasn't surprised to see Voldesith and Skywalker the Grey introduced. But seriously, the whole Emo Vader thing just didn't work for me. I was overwhelmed with the urge to yell "put your man pants on before your caftan of evil!" It's clear what happened. Numero Uno fighter pilot was the first born. He was the jock, good at everything and very popular. Mom and Dad appreciated his skills and the fact he was good at things that interested them. Then came Emo boy. Who was supposed to be born in a galaxy far far away, but his soul is from Portland. Where as super duper pilot boy was good at fighting bad guys, Emo boy was good at poetry. And constructing Artisan light sabers. From hemp, or something.   I'm sure there were plenty of slammed doors and "You guys don't even understand!!!" Dad would get him a leather jacket, so he could be one of the guys, when all he wanted was a scarf!! It make both the rage and the tears much more understandable. 

Which is why I spent most of the movie certain I was behind Emo Vader at the coffee shop the previous evening. And certainly why Mac announced "that guy was too whiny to be Darth Vader." Then again, considering the schnoz on Emo Vader, maybe they were doing an homage to a different terrifying space villain.

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