You know, kicking my chair when we were stuck in traffic was especially helpful. When you yelled go mom! Go!” It reminded me that I had superhuman powers which allowed me to pass through traffic as if a beam of light. I’m shocked that I forgot about them. And thank you for pointing out that the shoulder was available to drive on, just in case I felt like not using my forgotten superpowers. I can’t think of all the time I wasted sitting in traffic before your came into my life.

Thank you for reassuring me that it was ok that you didn’t make it to the bathroom in time and my bedroom carpet paid the price. Remembering that “it’s ok because it wasn’t stinkies” really set my heart at ease.

I wouldn’t have realized that “Wow mom, that’s how much you weigh!” at my last prenatal appointment, if you hadn’t been there. Also, I’m glad that you pointed out to me that my tummy is “squishy” and that I “probably have another baby in there.”

Thank you for mentioning that dinner smelled “gross.” It totally inspired me to cook something different. Maybe mentioning that a few minutes before we sit down to eat would guarantee a more understanding response from your mother.

I’m glad you can “totally tell” that I’ve “never been to jail.” But I’m not sure you should ask if your father has been to prison.

I had planned to pretend it wasn’t actually my cell phone ringing as we headed up to communion together. But it worked out better that you ran back to the pew yelling “I’ll get it mommy.”

I think the chalk outlines of your siblings on the driveway actually made the realtor’s job easier.

Teddy from Costco is a lovely man. But is actually NOT your father, no matter what you say. Loudly.

My cell phone is actually really just a device to play games on. Thank you for reminding me how unusually cruel it is for me to try to use it for work purposes.

I know that the first fourteen times you asked to play the Wii, I said no. But when you asked for the fifteenth time, I realized that you were asking to play the Wii, and that was totally cool. Thanks for your persistence.

It was wise of you to lose your binky in the Target parking lot. I will make sure to treat it with more caution and respect in the future. 

I want you to be able and comfortable in coming to me at any time and for anything. Even at 5am. When your brother climbs into bed with you. And steals all your blankets. You should totally come to me. And make sure your burst through my bedroom door yelling, just in case I’m sleeping.

I appreciate the distinction you made when you explained that I told you to not write on the car and when you drew people on the car is was drawing, not writing and therefore not naughty. It was an oversight on my part.

Thank you for teaching me that “gets dress so we can get on to school” means “sit in your room and sing…..naked.” I needed to learn about that aspect of well-adjusted behavior.

I’m still not clear on what “Be quiet and go to bed” means. Because it sure doesn’t mean what I thought it meant. Sorry I’m such a slow learner.