Monday, December 16, 2013

I woke the father figure up this morning to ask him what time he had to leave for work. I kinda knew the answer, it was in ten minutes. Then he helpfully informed me that since he had not gotten up earlier, I would have to drive him to work, for the fourth week in a row. Apparently, he was willing to try to drive his car if he had enough time for it to die and me come bail him out. But now, not so much. He's also decided he wants to buy a new car, but as we have spent ALL THE MONIES on fixing the paperweight in the driveway....ugh.

So that's how my Monday started.

Delving into the day, a student failed to call. But don't worry, I wasn't left without things to do!

While I waited for a student to call, X-Man removed all the bows from the newly wrapped packages under the tree. Cinco then ate them. Baba yelled at him and he head butted her. I told them to eat breakfast. X-Man yells "A Homas??!!!?" So I turn on Thomas the Tank Engine on to buy me five minutes.

As I was mixing up Baby's medicine that she needs to take with breakfast, I heard Cinco gagging. I run out to the living room. There, sitting in front of the TV are X-Man and Cinco. X-Man has a bowl of Honey Nut Ohs. I don't know where he got them. He has put of pile of these large cereal pieces in front of Cinco. They are attempting to eat them together. Cinco is not succeeding. I grab the ohs, Cinco starts crying and I try to tell X-Man that he is a very nice big brother to share, but Cinco can't eat these. I am picking up the cereal off the floor, meanwhile Cinco crawls over to the table where I put the bowl and begins to eat again. And gag.

Ok, death averted. Baba comes up "Mom the toilet won't flush right." Ok, go investigate. Hmm....previous owners gerryrigged it with a safety pin, that has now rusted through. Ok. Hmm...this in going to have to wait. Baby is yelling at me that she's hungry and wants to eat. Need to finish mixing her medicine. And hand out vitamins. Why aren't you all sitting at the table like I said to. Here have some vitamins. Yes yes X-Man that's my coffee cup. Thanks for drinking out of it. Oh you're offering it to me now, thanks. Have a vitamin.

I know it's a gummy vitamin, but you only get the one. Stop screaming for more. Where's Cinco....oh you're crawling up the stairs, while eating a hairbrush. Wow, you got skills. You're going to sit in the swing. Who did I just bump into? Personal space people! Oh it's X-Man, with my coffee cup...again. How did you get that? Thanks, I know it's yum! I also know I had more in it than is now....great. Now what was I doing?

Why are you bellowing Mac? Oh, there's no soap in the bathroom? There is too. I filled up the dispenser three days ago, how much do you people use? But I really don't think I should complain about copious soap usage. Of course, if the father figure wasn't allergic to olive oil, I could use my friend's handcrafted soaps, that last forever....but NOOOO......

Wait, why are Baby and Baba the only ones watching Thomas the Tank Engine? We're turning this off. Clean up the breakfast dishes and start school. Oh and figure out which presents the pile of bows in front of the tree go with. Why is X-Man on the counter? Ah, you want more vitamins. No, not going to happen. Go ahead and yell, but no.

Why is Cinco almost out of her swing? What do you mean she knows how to get out? Since she figured she can pop the tray up using her knees...great. Well let's put her here in a pile of toys, that should hold her attention for ninety seconds. Why is Baby crying? How did you hit your head? Oh, spinning around in the kitchen when you were supposed to be cleaning it. Of course. Why is there water on the floor? Ah, X-Man finished his drink and threw the rest on the ground. How very Lonely Island of him.

You know, instead of yelling "Mommy you need to see this" just tell me what it is. Why is my coffee all over the ground? Why is Gestated Cinco splashing in it? I'll answer your math question while I'm mopping this up Baba. And yes Mac, today is the sort of day that you need to wear clothes.

That's a good question to ask Baba, oh look Cinco found the Christmas tree again! What X-Man, you need to go potty? Ok good boy let's go! Let me just move Cinco away from the tree, oh she's got a good handful of the tree. I'm coming X-Man! Please take your pants off before getting on the potty. Whatever Cinco, just don't eat anything.

Yay! You went potty!!! Good work. And now everyone's going to come admire your work. Yeah, that's what this bathroom needed. Oh look, Cinco decided to get in on the fun. Alright, let's get you some candy X-Man, and Cinco is so horrified by the state of the bathroom she's taken it upon her self to get all the cleaning products out.

Should I be ambitious and put underwear on X-Man, sure why not? That's can't back fire on me. Let's settle down in the office and get going on school. Ok Mac and Baby are doing their math, everything ok. I should probably check on X-Man. And make sure the kitchen was cleaned. While I'm out here I should start a load of laundry. Why is Cinco screaming? Oh look she got her head stuck in the legs of a chair in the school room. Wow, how do I get you out of here without hurting you more? Hmm....why is X-Man screaming?

Oh yeah, I turned off Thomas a half hour ago. What's that smell....oh you pooped your underwear. You were sitting on the potty ten minutes ago!!!!! Back to the potty, pass Cinco in the hall. Remember she's not in the school room anymore, need to check her quickly.....

X-Man stay on the potty, mommy be right back. Cinco where are you. Oh you're under the kitchen table.....with a pile of cereal. Where'd that come from? What do you mean X-Man just peed on the floor? He's sitting on the potty. Oh, no, he followed me to the kitchen, because Cinco was getting into his stash of cereal. And peed on the floor.

Mac where did you get the doorknob to a cabinet? Took it out of Cinco's mouth. X-Man gave it to her. Great. that sharpie on my brand new hardwood floor?

That's the first hour of my day.......

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